There’s practically a cottage industry for literature to tell you what to expect when you’re expecting (along with what to do and what to not do under any circumstances or you’ll ruin your baby forever). Some details, though, seem to get left out. Not to worry, though, Imma share these 5 pregnancy truths with you.
Well, ladies with a bun in your oven, let me enlighten you. Some of these secrets aren’t pretty, but such is life. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
The pregnancy truths no one talks about
1. You’re really, really tired. Ok, people probably have told you about the crazy fatigue that’s especially crippling in the first and third trimesters. But though this is Baby #2, I was unprepared for just how exhausted I was and have been! Case in point: Last week I came *this* close to falling asleep while getting my legs waxed.
Speaking of which…
2. You’ll outsource personal hygiene. At some point in the third trimester, your belly will become simply too big for mundane tasks you once took for granted. Clipping your toenails? Good luck reaching your toes; spring for a pedicure. Hairy legs? Might as well splurge on waxing; you won’t have time to shave once Baby arrives anyway.
3. You won’t see your lady bits for a long time. There comes a day when every pregnant woman realizes that she can no longer see her vagina. Not that you stare every time you pee—but it’s a little disconcerting to not have the choice to check out that important bit of your anatomy. And no, shockingly, these pregnancy truths do not come up often during girlfriend brunch chats.
4. You’ll be subjected to strangers’ most intimate and personal stories. The other day, Peeper and I took Finn for a walk. There’s construction on our street, and a city worker was standing next to our house waiting for traffic to reroute. In the span of moments, we went from chitchat about wiring electricity for the new house being built to her fertility history, complete with details of surgeries and scar tissue and birth stories and longing for more kids. A baby bump is a magnet for oversharers.
5. You’ll gain monkey superpowers. Well, at least you’ll get really good at picking up things with your feet. Your growing girth makes bending over to retrieve the keys you just dropped unthinkably uncomfortable, so use those prehensile toes. Bonus: You’ll definitely use this skill after Baby is born and you’re carrying her 24/7.
What pregnancy truths were you surprised by? What did I miss?