Becoming a good enough mother

Sometimes striving to be the best mama just ends in tears. Sometimes it's ok to just be a good enough mother. Ten Thousand Hour Mama

I had it all planned out.

Peeper and I went to the Dollar Store for a special mama-daughter adventure. We got, among other things, an absurd number of heart balloons.

We made it home without any of the balloons floating away or causing a traffic accident. On the drive, I had told Peeper about how we’d take a picture with Kiwi and the balloons, and she could watch Daniel Tiger afterwards. (Yes, a blatant bribe. I stand by that tactic.)

So I set up the sisters with the balloons, turned on my camera and got ready to photograph some serious cuteness.

Ha.

Ha.

Ha.

Valentine's Day balloons sisters - Ten Thousand Hour Mama
“No that’s MY balloon!”

Peeper resisted. She flopped on her back. She cried. She squirmed away.

Peeper’s fit frightened her little sister, so Kiwi began to cry, too.

I gave up. I nearly cried. I did not feel like a good mother or even a good enough mother.

From bad to worse

Then Peeper knocked over her handmade change jar. Broken glass and pennies spilled everywhere.

As my mom tried to settle both girls’ meltdowns in the other room and I picked up shards of glass, I wondered—for probably the millionth time since Kiwi was born—why I bothered.

Just about every time I try to do something special with the girls, it ends in disaster: A painting project, a hike in the woods, a special trip to the play cafe, even bath time together lead to tantrums and tears.

The more I try to be a Good Mom, the worse I feel.

Maybe someday I’ll pull off a staged photo with my girls. But until then, I need to learn to settle—settle for the valentines without a photo of both girls together. Settle for days that string together without elaborate plans. Settle for being a good enough mother.

25 thoughts on “Becoming a good enough mother

  • February 12, 2016 at 8:01 am
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    Oh man… I feel you. That is all I can say. I’m WORN out. Yesterday I printed up all the valentine’s backwards and then some of the darn glow sticks broke open…. it was a mess.

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    • February 12, 2016 at 2:49 pm
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      At least your valentines are on time! Ours definitely are not. In fact, I’m pretty sure I still have last year’s valentines just waiting to be sent…

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  • February 12, 2016 at 9:58 am
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    I needed to read this today… I am so with you! I think the key is keeping our sense of humour… and remembering that “this to shall pass!”.

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  • February 12, 2016 at 10:12 am
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    FWIW, my good-enough mother made tons of well intentioned plans that turned out poorly … but that’s only a fraction of what I remember. I would bet your girls will someday feel the same. ♡

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    • February 12, 2016 at 2:48 pm
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      I hope so! And we’ll always have photos of the disasters like this one to remind them if they forget. 😉

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  • February 12, 2016 at 10:15 am
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    hugs momma – it is hard to change your perspective and see the amazing in the unexpected moments.

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    • February 12, 2016 at 2:55 pm
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      Thanks! I’ll probably laugh about this – later. At least it makes a good story.

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  • February 12, 2016 at 11:27 am
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    Definitely. Good enough is SO much better than driving yourself mad with elaborate plans that don’t work!

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  • February 12, 2016 at 12:42 pm
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    I think you have your adjectives mixed up. You are a good mom – period. You keep trying to be a perfect mom and aren’t getting perfect results, but that definitely doesn’t undo your current good mom status, which is accepting the good enough Valentines photo which is still adorable even if it’s just one and not perfect. You can make plans all you want, and rejoice when they work and appreciate the good enough when they don’t 🙂

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    • February 12, 2016 at 2:48 pm
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      Aw, thank you Pech. Sometimes feeling like a good mom is just dialing back the expectations so it doesn’t feel like failing when big ideas go awry. Thanks for the vote of confidence! xoxo

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  • February 12, 2016 at 1:41 pm
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    Awe, poor mama! Sometimes though, little disasters are still sweet little disasters. This is one of those times.

    I worked with a family that did a lot of these kind of shoots at home, as amateur photographers. Their trick was candy. They would literally have one person entertaining, posing and waving candy in front of the kids, and one person snapping the shots. i hope that helps with the staged photos of your dreams. Also, I think it helped that they did photos often, so the kids were really used to it.

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  • February 12, 2016 at 1:55 pm
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    Oh sister, you are not alone. I wonder the same thing so many times – why do I even try? And then I remember, it’s because I’d regret it if I didn’t at least make an attempt at these things. Shoot, I can’t even get my son to pose & smile for pictures anymore 🙁

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    • February 12, 2016 at 2:55 pm
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      Peeper has NEVER smiled “cheese” for a photo. Usually she turns her head. That should have been my first clue that this wouldn’t go well!

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  • February 12, 2016 at 9:15 pm
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    My kids were never the kind to sit, smile brightly, and pose quietly for the camera. And I have to say, I kind of love them for that. So instead, we have a zillion silly photos, photos with eye rolling, photos pretending to look bored, and a few where we are somehow all magically in one photo together smiling…a few 🙂 and they are all my favorite photos because they’re real. You are a GREAT mom!

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    • February 17, 2016 at 9:53 am
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      Thanks Marlynn! I kind of like that Peeper isn’t into photos, and DEFINITELY not saying “cheese,” though it can be frustrating when all I want is one stinking photo!

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  • February 15, 2016 at 9:58 am
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    Our good enough is perfect! We don’t need staged photos and Pinterest-worthy crafts with our children. We just need to give them our time and attention and love 🙂

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  • February 16, 2016 at 7:58 pm
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    Aw, I think that’s an adorable photo! And I think someday down the line, you’ll remember these stories more than the stuff you were “supposed” to do. (At least, that’s what I tell myself!)

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    • February 17, 2016 at 9:53 am
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      Yes! They might not be funny in the moment, but I’ll probably re-tell this story when the girls are older.

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  • February 17, 2016 at 7:49 am
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    Oh, I know this one all too well. I write about it a lot, too. My mantra has become “I am enough.” But saying it and believing it can be two very different things. I appreciate hearing other mothers’ stories because it reminds me I’m not alone. So thank you!

    Reply

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