3 1/2 years old: Halfway between big and small

Over Christmas break, Peeper and her cousin were sitting on stools in the kitchen. “You’re so big already—don’t get any bigger!” her Aunt Meghan teased. Everyone laughed—everyone but Peeper. She burst into tears.

“What’s wrong, honey?” I asked.

“I don’t want to stay small!” she wailed.

Peeper loves to be a big girl, but she also craves the security of being our baby. This push and pull between big and small colors every day. Just as she’s halfway between 3 and 4, she’s halfway between big and small.

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Halfway to big

Peeper is at the stage where she revels in getting bigger. We persuade our picky eater to try vegetables and take a few more bites because, as she believes, vegetables make you grow. She stretches her arms as wide as they’ll go after meals, showing us just how much longer her arms got after a meal of spaghetti or peanut butter banana. And she jumps with all her might—”Look how high I can jump!”—to test just how much she’s grown in the last 15 minutes.

She also enjoys being a big sister. “Kiwi is saying a new word!” she’ll exclaim. “She’s trying to say blueberries. That’s right, b, b, b, blueberries, Kiwi!”

She also loves to teach Kiwi new skills, whether it’s blowing spit bubbles (seriously so gross), spinning, eating cereal (“You go like this”—crunch crunch) or climbing the elliptical machine. Peeper is her little sister’s biggest cheerleader, applauding her every milestone.

Whether they're dressing up or playing gymnastics, my girls are inseparable. Ten Thousand Hour MamaAs a big sister, my daughter takes good care of her little sis. Ten Thousand Hour MamaMy preschooler is her little sister's biggest fan and cheerleader. Ten Thousand Hour MamaSisters in the snow

Halfway to small

Yet being big isn’t always part of Peeper’s plan.

Every so often, she becomes Baby Peeper. She’ll crawl into Kiwi’s crib or lie down on the changing pad. Once she even insisted on wearing a diaper over her undies.

“Gagagaga,” she’ll say, copying baby talk. But then she’ll do a remarkable, spot-on impersonation of her little sister. She’ll point, make Kiwi’s signature “mmmmn” sound and scrunch up her nose in the perfect imitation of her sister’s smile.

Seriously, she could take this act on the road, it’s so good.

And every so often, Peeper will become a baby again, snuggling in my lap in the rocking chair. She’ll tuck her head under my chin and pull her knees up to her chest. While she’s resting on me, I sing her favorite lullabies and marvel that this child, halfway between big and small, ever fit inside of me.

Peeper is all lanky limbs these days. I laugh when she shows us her impressive wingspan (“Look how long my arms are!”) because she takes after her dad, whose arms are so long he needs a specially fitted golf club.

She is changing into a big child. She has lost the baby fat that gave her such beautifully chubby cheeks. She may be halfway between big and small, but she’s hurtling toward big at a pace that takes my breath away.

Halfway between big and small, my preschooler is growing at an astonishing pace. Ten Thousand Hour MamaMy little girl is halfway between big and small. Ten Thousand Hour Mama

Staying big and small

Unlike her joking Aunt Meghan, I don’t want to keep Peeper small. I love witnessing how she grows, develops and changes every day.

She wakes up each morning a new person. Although some things are consistent—her favorite color remains purple, she still hates washing her hands—the dawn could bring any other new development.

Tomorrow could be the day she finally lands a perfect cartwheel or

While I wake up just as excited as she does to see what the day brings, I cherish the times she turns back into Baby Peeper. Those moments, whether she’s a goof copying her sister’s baby talk or a cuddlebug who finds a cozy spot on my lap, remind me of the days when she was my everything, my all. When I was her world and she was mine. When the universe shrunk to the size of just us—a mother and a baby halfway between big and small.

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11 thoughts on “3 1/2 years old: Halfway between big and small

  • January 23, 2017 at 1:50 pm
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    so sweet, catherine! i love how you are such a cheerleader for both your girls, and how you encourage them to be themselves 100%! the year between 3 and 4 is SUCH a fun one, with so much growth and learning, but can also be such a challenge. you’re doing such a great job at taking it all in stride. way to go!

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    • January 24, 2017 at 10:06 am
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      That is so true about this stage being challenging and fun. Some days I want to run away (haha!) but sometimes I want to push pause and enjoy this forever.

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  • January 23, 2017 at 2:14 pm
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    What a beautiful tribute to the ever-evolving nature of children. Thank you for bringing us into your world.

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    • January 24, 2017 at 10:06 am
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      That is one true thing about kids: They are always changing! Thanks for your comment, Becky.

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  • January 23, 2017 at 3:26 pm
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    Halfway to big/halfway to small is such a wonderful and accurate description of this age! So much wonder, and so much push and pull – for kid and mom. These pics are darling. My favorites are always the ones of the girls together. Sibling love is amazing to watch unfold!

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    • January 24, 2017 at 10:05 am
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      Thank you Marlynn! I’m glad for the pictures of them together, too. They may not be smiling nicely, but those photos always show their true interactions!

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  • January 23, 2017 at 7:48 pm
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    Such a gorgeous age and yes my 4 1/2 year old is the same. I think even at my age we sometimes want to be small again. May they never get too big for cuddles and snuggles. It is amazing watching them open up to the world though. Sounds like she is a wonderful big sister too 🙂

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    • January 24, 2017 at 10:04 am
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      I totally have days when I wish I were little again! There’s something so comforting in being taken care of.

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  • January 24, 2017 at 5:48 am
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    Such a sweet post. Your photos are so lovely… beautiful family. Three years old is such a tough stage.. they are so eager to grow up and you just want them to stay small for just a few minutes longer.

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    • January 24, 2017 at 10:04 am
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      Yes – it’s such a tug of war for them! That can end up in tears and tantrums – but also in snuggles, which I will never tire of. 🙂

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  • January 29, 2017 at 4:05 pm
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    This is gorgeous! Peeper is such a beautiful little child, and perfectly sums up such a crucial time in a little person’s life between staying small and starting to grow up. As a mum to a 6 month old, I know I don’t have to worry about this for a while (but yet somehow I’m sure it’ll come up quickly as time goes too quickly as a parent!) but it is nice to see how this fine-line plays a role in another family so we are prepared for it. Thank you for sharing!

    Reply

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