Four months

The last month has been the least drama-filled so far, and I’m so glad for it! We don’t have a whole lot of sob stories about baby weight loss and mastitis, so yay us! High fives all around.

(I guess it says a lot if you count a month in which your dog tries to scratch off his entire face to be a calm one.)

Edie turns four months old tomorrow. She continues to become more alert, interactive and fun.

Last week she discovered her feet. We had just come home from a Halloween party and, just like that, Edith grabbed her foot! Since then changing her diaper is a wrestling match. The second she’s on her back, she grabs her tiny ten. They’re like a wonderful toy!

Speaking of, her favorite toy is an Odwalla protein bar. She was doing tummy time in her nursery one day and I looked around for something interesting to set in front of her while I put away laundry. I spied the bar, placed it at arm’s reach and she loved it. I’m pretty sure the crinkly wrapping is what rocks her world. If I surround her with Sophie the giraffe, a ball, a toy cat and the protein bar, she reaches for the snack every time.

Edie is now napping, too. For a while, she’d go six or even eight hours during the day without sleeping. Infants are supposed to nap every hour and a half or so, I’ve heard and read, to allow their brains to process all the information that floods their senses. For a while, she would only nap if I took her out on a walk, so we got a lot of exercise.

But as I type this, Edie is snoozing in her crib. She’s even on somewhat of a schedule so I can predict approximately when she’ll need to go down again. The length of her naps is still variable—anywhere from 30 minutes to two and a half hours—but having a chunk of time to check email, put away dishes or simply drink a cup of tea does wonders for my mental health. It gets hard to be physically connected to Edith in spite of how much I love her. Sometimes I just want to not be touched, pulled, drooled on or sucked on.

The biggest change I’ve noticed in the last month is that motherhood is getting easier. Before I had Edie, friends told me that I’d start to feel more competent by six weeks or two months. This didn’t really happen for us. We really struggled throughout the so-called fourth trimester.

The last month, though, has been smoother. I’ve become ambitious enough to do two things in any given day—say, go to the gym and moms’ group. I’d never have dared that when Edie was newer.

I’m less afraid of her melting down in public. This is partly because she eats about every hour and a half to two hours instead of more often and because she’s interested in going new places. It’s also because I freak out less when she’s crying.

For example, I had strapped her into her carrier when I stopped by the grocery store last week. She cried all through the produce section, the shampoo aisle and the crackers shelf. A few people turned around to look at us, but I continued bopping her and pushing my cart. She fell asleep after a while, and I got my shopping done. I would have been a sweaty, panicky mess if that had happened a month ago.

It turns out, then, that Edith is not the only one growing and changing. The books may not list monthly milestones for mom, but I stretch and learn as she does.