Faced with an overflowing toy box and fistfuls of receipts for baby gym classes, British mother Hattie Garlick committed to not buying anything for her toddler for a year. Rejecting kiddy consumerism is the subject of her blog, and she’s documenting the clothing swaps, no-cost activities and lack of store-bought baby purees over at freeourkids.co.uk.
This article about her experience made me think about how money and consumption could affect how I raise Peeper.
We don’t spend a ton of money on our daughter, in part because we just don’t have disposable income. Almost everything she owns and wears is either a hand-me-down or a gift. We buy throwaway diapers (reusables intimidate the hell out of me for some reason!), but they’re just about the only Edie-related expense we have, aside from the occasional necessity.
When we traveled to the East Coast in the fall, Peeper wore a sleeper given to us by a friend when I was still pregnant. “Handsome boy,” read a little label on it. The flight attendants got a kick out of it when we pointed out that our baby was actually a girl, and I still think the moment was funny.
Second-hand clothes may lose some of their humor when Peeper gets older, though.
My family didn’t have a ton of money when I was young. We shopped at resale stores, so I wasn’t always up on the latest trends.
I remember trying to hide my off-brand Keds under the school bus seat and the cheek-burning embarrassment when my used Hypercolor t-shirt didn’t actually change colors. Sometimes it was hard to not fit in.
Raising a child who isn’t materialistic or spoiled is important. But I’d hate to subject my loved one to unnecessary ridicule. Surely there’s a balance to be struck here.
I have plenty of time before kids at play dates look askance at my daughter’s wardrobe. But projects like Garlick’s make me think about how we’ll one day handle the protestations of “But everyone else has one!”
How do you teach your kids to do without? Do you find yourself spending a lot on your kids? Do you feel guilty when you don’t?
Great topic! When my son was younger we hardly bought him anything, but now that he is older (2) I find we do indulge in the consumerism more just to keep him busy! It is hard to keep him entertained without “new” things to play with. I do by him second-hand toys from neighbors/friends and he doesn’t seem to care/notice the difference, but I know there will be a point where he will. I try to teach him to respect his things and take care of what he has, but it is hard not to fuel the fire with new things to play with.
It seems like your son’s age is the common time that the toy avalanche starts! I friend of mine hides a portion of her kids’ toys every so often and rotates them in later so they’re “new” again. That could be a way to avoid the never-ending influx of plastic stuff!
I really love this post. (And Garlick’s undertaking). I think about this a lot even though we don’t have kids yet. I also grew up in a family with a modest income, so I didn’t have new stuff every time I turned around either. But I truly never remember feeling “deprived.” Some of the things I remember from my childhood are: lots of thrift shopping (for toys and clothes), but my mom making it seem very fun, like we were on the hunt for treasure! I also remember being allowed small amounts of money to spend on something I wanted. Because it wasn’t something that happened very often I remember taking it SUPER seriously and walking up and down the aisles of Toys R Us over and over, to be sure I chose the perfect thing to spend my few dollars on. My parents also started a savings account for me really young (shout out to the Kitty Club at Selco!) and I loved even depositing a dollar or two to watch my balance grow. I distinctly remember saving exactly 99 cents so I could walk to the corner store and buy a snap bracelet when they were all the rage. This is obviously all stuff that applies to older kids, but I think there are definitely ways to make sure new things are always special, but not something that never happens. Good luck in your quest to raise Peeper on a budget, while not depriving her of the joy an occasional new thing brings! 🙂
I love your perspective, Maeve! Giving kids a small allowance or occasional money teaches them thrift and money smarts. I can just see you wandering Toys R Us, looking for the perfect treasure!
I am definitely thankful for all the hand-me-downs and borrowed items for N! Kids stuff is definitely more expensive than it needs to be, and I don’t feel bad about buying some things second hand. Most of our books and toys have been gifts/hand-me-downs/borrowed items, but the toys we have bought have been items that will hold her interest for many years (building blocks, bath toys, etc). She seems content with her books and toys (and Tupperware and boxes) for now, but I know her needs will change as she grows. I’m hoping to spend less now so we can do more activities/arts & crafts/trips in the future!
Isn’t it funny how for younger children especially, Tupperware, boxes and other household items are favorite toys! I like your idea on saving now to invest in more experiences down the line.
I am definitely thankful for all the hand-me-downs and borrowed items for N! Kids stuff is definitely more expensive than it needs to be, and I don’t feel bad about buying some things second hand. Most of our books and toys have been gifts/hand-me-downs/borrowed items, but the toys we have bought have been items that will hold her interest for many years (building blocks, bath toys, etc). She seems content with her books and toys (and Tupperware and boxes) for now, but I know her needs will change as she grows. I’m hoping to spend less now so we can do more activities/arts & crafts/trips in the future!
Isn’t it funny how for younger children especially, Tupperware, boxes and other household items are favorite toys! I like your idea on saving now to invest in more experiences down the line.
I’m a huge fan of hand me downs. I was just having this thought recently. What if one day she’s not as into them as I am? I guess that’s an opportunity to talk about our resources. Like you shared we live modestly out of necessity. I hope that encourages her to be thoughtful with money later in life.
There is definitely something worthwhile in teaching children that money is a limited resource, to be spent thoughtfully. I had a savings account since I was very little. I ended up spending the money I’d saved over years and years on a study abroad trip in high school.
That’s awesome! I know what you mean though about wanting to protect against ridicule. After all, we are not much different than mama bears. 🙂
I’m a huge fan of hand me downs. I was just having this thought recently. What if one day she’s not as into them as I am? I guess that’s an opportunity to talk about our resources. Like you shared we live modestly out of necessity. I hope that encourages her to be thoughtful with money later in life.
There is definitely something worthwhile in teaching children that money is a limited resource, to be spent thoughtfully. I had a savings account since I was very little. I ended up spending the money I’d saved over years and years on a study abroad trip in high school.
That’s awesome! I know what you mean though about wanting to protect against ridicule. After all, we are not much different than mama bears. 🙂
Good point that you are trying to manage what are reasonable discretionary expenses. Doesn’t sound like Peeper is going through that yet, but I think that having a child understand that there is a budget from being very young helps them think about what they really want. Maybe your diaper budget can eventually turn into a special Peeper budget, with her having a certain say on what she would rather have, an outfit or toy, etc and knowing that’s it until the next “Peeper paycheck”?
I love this idea! Budgeting is something I never really practiced as a kid (or even later), so I plan to teach Peeper this skill – and this is a great way to do it.
Good point that you are trying to manage what are reasonable discretionary expenses. Doesn’t sound like Peeper is going through that yet, but I think that having a child understand that there is a budget from being very young helps them think about what they really want. Maybe your diaper budget can eventually turn into a special Peeper budget, with her having a certain say on what she would rather have, an outfit or toy, etc and knowing that’s it until the next “Peeper paycheck”?
I love this idea! Budgeting is something I never really practiced as a kid (or even later), so I plan to teach Peeper this skill – and this is a great way to do it.
I’m a big fan of hand me downs, especially when it comes to kids, since they go through SO many clothes, books, toys, gear. My kids are 6 and 9, and honestly, they are aware of what other kids have, but have yet to beg us for anything just because it’s cool or “all the other kids have it.” If they ever do, I think it’s a good chance to talk about “need” versus “want.”
The “need” vs “want” consideration is such an important lesson. I imagine that – when the time comes – volunteering will help Peeper understand this distinction. “Needing” the coolest brand of sneakers suddenly looks different after helping at a soup kitchen.
I’m a big fan of hand me downs, especially when it comes to kids, since they go through SO many clothes, books, toys, gear. My kids are 6 and 9, and honestly, they are aware of what other kids have, but have yet to beg us for anything just because it’s cool or “all the other kids have it.” If they ever do, I think it’s a good chance to talk about “need” versus “want.”
The “need” vs “want” consideration is such an important lesson. I imagine that – when the time comes – volunteering will help Peeper understand this distinction. “Needing” the coolest brand of sneakers suddenly looks different after helping at a soup kitchen.
I spend a little more than I’d like, a fact that will change with the arrival of #2, but I do talk a lot with D about why we can’t/don’t just buy everything we want.
I remember growing up with little. I know there were some horrible, awkward moments but overall, I was grateful for the rare treats we got. (And libraries!) When I start getting a little nervous, I think of the end result and know I will find a way to balance it all, even if I don’t know what that way is. Yet!
“I think of the end result and know I will find a way to balance it all, even if I don’t know what that way is. Yet!” — I love this! What a fantastic, confident outlook.
I spend a little more than I’d like, a fact that will change with the arrival of #2, but I do talk a lot with D about why we can’t/don’t just buy everything we want.
I remember growing up with little. I know there were some horrible, awkward moments but overall, I was grateful for the rare treats we got. (And libraries!) When I start getting a little nervous, I think of the end result and know I will find a way to balance it all, even if I don’t know what that way is. Yet!
“I think of the end result and know I will find a way to balance it all, even if I don’t know what that way is. Yet!” — I love this! What a fantastic, confident outlook.
I love this. My first thought is to allow gmas gpas uncles aunties to do the spoiling. :-} But that isn’t the answer. I think your idea of volunteering at an early age is a great antidote to not only consumerism, but a whole bunch of social woes. I’d love to get involved with Peeper as well! Giving is a family activity. Another idea, and one that I did for all of you, is to volunteer at Peeper’s schools. I did that from kindergarten on. (Yes, I worked full time and had other kids in different schools. It can be done.) My biggest motivation was to support and be a part of the school, but another motivation was to check out the other kids in your classes. That way I saw up close and personal who I wanted you to hang with. That way I could encourage or discourage friendships. And btw, it wasn’t very often I said no to a play date. Kids naturally gravitate to other like-minded people/friends. I also saw other moms who volunteered, so usually (but not always) I encouraged their kids’ to come over and play. Another antidote: get your child(ren) involved in after school activities!!! I can’t emphasize that enough. Whether it be choir, sports, band, journalism, shop (not the mall type), volunteering… allow your child to do different things! I’m not talking about over-scheduling your child. Everyone needs down time to PLAY. (Which reminds me to set limits on video games, TV, etc. But maybe that’s a separate column at a later date.) And lastly, I suggest you talk with other parents/caretakers. Figure out what they’re doing that you like and try it out! HUGS
I love this. My first thought is to allow gmas gpas uncles aunties to do the spoiling. :-} But that isn’t the answer. I think your idea of volunteering at an early age is a great antidote to not only consumerism, but a whole bunch of social woes. I’d love to get involved with Peeper as well! Giving is a family activity. Another idea, and one that I did for all of you, is to volunteer at Peeper’s schools. I did that from kindergarten on. (Yes, I worked full time and had other kids in different schools. It can be done.) My biggest motivation was to support and be a part of the school, but another motivation was to check out the other kids in your classes. That way I saw up close and personal who I wanted you to hang with. That way I could encourage or discourage friendships. And btw, it wasn’t very often I said no to a play date. Kids naturally gravitate to other like-minded people/friends. I also saw other moms who volunteered, so usually (but not always) I encouraged their kids’ to come over and play. Another antidote: get your child(ren) involved in after school activities!!! I can’t emphasize that enough. Whether it be choir, sports, band, journalism, shop (not the mall type), volunteering… allow your child to do different things! I’m not talking about over-scheduling your child. Everyone needs down time to PLAY. (Which reminds me to set limits on video games, TV, etc. But maybe that’s a separate column at a later date.) And lastly, I suggest you talk with other parents/caretakers. Figure out what they’re doing that you like and try it out! HUGS