Kiwi spends a lot of time sleeping on me lately.
Whether it’s in the carrier on a walk, on my chest as I watch a football game or leaning on me for the now-requisite 30 minutes after each feeding, she rests with her face on that magical spot of skin beneath my collarbone and her ear pressed against my heart.
Can I blame her? No. After 40 weeks inside me, it’s no wonder she craves that closeness.
But I am tired. So, so tired.
Last night, for example, as she nursed or slept on me (I’m too far gone to remember which), I stared at a spot on the sheet. I couldn’t tell if it was a bug or just a smidge of something. If you had offered me a million dollars to tell if it was moving, I would have had to guess.
People, sleep deprivation would have reduced me to 50/50 at a chance for a million dollars.
Finding the good in a hard situation
As I try to fix Kiwi’s reflux trying everything I can think of—medication, different breastfeeding positions, giving up dairy and soy, probiotics and now a half-hour of upright snuggle time each waking—I’m trying to look on the bright side.
Because sometimes that’s what gets you through. Right?
So in the glass-half-full spirit, I’m determined to see her sleeping on me in a new light.
It is the best compliment. Kiwi is telling me there is no other place in the entire universe she would be. She is telling me, in fact, that I am the coziest place in the world.
Thank you, my dear Kiwi.
Awww – That sure does look like quite the cozy spot. Is there anything better than a sleeping baby?!
Plus, a baby taking a snooze on you is a great reason to slow down and just sit for an hour!
Almost 29-years later I still love to put my head on my Mom’s lap, have her play with my hair and take a good snooze. I’m sure she really appreciates the weight of my 29-year old head on her legs. Wishing you some restful nights very soon!
Me too!! There’s nothing more relaxing than having someone play with your hair.
awwwww this warms my heart! Such a precious post. I hope that feeling never goes away!
Me too! Well, the cozy feeling. I could leave the exhausted feeling. 😉
Definitely went through exactly this. Still kind of going through it, depending on my little guy’s mood. It can be hard, but it passes. Every other time I though that something difficult wouldn’t end, it did. And I came out better for it.
The knowledge that every difficult stage passes is something I’ve earned, thankfully, now that I’m a mom of two. It also helps to know I’m not alone. (Solidarity!) I hope your little guy gives you some rest, too!
So sweet!
Aww hat a sweetie!!! I miss having a little baby to cuddle with, although I know how it feels to need a minute to yourself also. Hope the little one’s reflux gets better for you, we had to put my middle on on soy formula, but not sure how it works when you are breast feeding. hang in there mom 😉
SO so sweet. I love this, and that photo is the best!
I genuinely love the spirit you bring to your posts about your babies. (My baby – the youngest of my six – starts high school next week, and I have been feeling the rush of time lately.) Those little ones are exhausting work – physically, mentally, and emotionally – but I miss those intimate days of quick breaths and sleeping smiles.
I feel your pain. I remember being so tired after my second. Stopping at a stop sign and forgetting to look in either direction before going again. Luckily no cars were coming. I hope her reflux gets better soon and you can get some sleep.
Thank you Ali. Unfortunately I’m responding to this at like 4am. No sleep yet.
Just know that it’s okay not to love or always see the positive in sleepless nights and 24/7 full hands. We are moms and we are humans and sometimes we just need space even when we can’t have it and it’s okay not to love every moment. Sending you love and support mama! But you are right Kiwi just thinks you are the coziest and comfiest spot and that’s a pretty great thing as well.