Whether it’s in the carrier on a walk, on my chest as I watch a football game or leaning on me for the now-requisite 30 minutes after each feeding, she rests with her face on that magical spot of skin beneath my collarbone and her ear pressed against my heart.
Can I blame her? No. After 40 weeks inside me, it’s no wonder she craves that closeness.
But I am tired. So, so tired.
Last night, for example, as she nursed or slept on me (I’m too far gone to remember which), I stared at a spot on the sheet. I couldn’t tell if it was a bug or just a smidge of something. If you had offered me a million dollars to tell if it was moving, I would have had to guess.
People, sleep deprivation would have reduced me to 50/50 at a chance for a million dollars.
Finding the good in a hard situation
As I try to fix Kiwi’s reflux trying everything I can think of—medication, different breastfeeding positions, giving up dairy and soy, probiotics and now a half-hour of upright snuggle time each waking—I’m trying to look on the bright side.
Because sometimes that’s what gets you through. Right?
So in the glass-half-full spirit, I’m determined to see her sleeping on me in a new light.
It is the best compliment. Kiwi is telling me there is no other place in the entire universe she would be. She is telling me, in fact, that I am the coziest place in the world.
Thank you, my dear Kiwi.