You’re on a kid-free business trip, so you’re probably feeling equal parts guilty and giddy. Chances are, you haven’t been away from home and kids in so long that the prospect of dealing with traffic and the TSA, crossing time zones, working long hours and eating what passes for a continental breakfast sounds positively like a vacation.
It’s also likely that you might not know what to do with yourself. I’ve been there, though, so I’ve done you the solid of making a little list of all the things you must do on your next kid-free business trip.
While you’re gone, drop me a line and tell me all about your kid-free extravagances like eating in a restaurant with no play place and sleeping on an un-jumped-on bed.
What to do on your next kid-free business trip
- Eat really, really slowly. You’ve inhaled at record speed just about every meal since your kids were born. Take this time to actually taste your food.
- Sleep starfish. You love your family, but you do not necessarily love it when your husband, kids and dog all hop into bed with you. Take your space back, Mama, and sleep in the middle of the bed!
- Groom. Do all the personal hygiene tasks you avoid for fear the plucking/waxing/shaving/trimming/polishing will scar your kids, causing them to believe they must alter their already perfect bodies to conform to societal norms and distorted ideas of beauty. (Oh, that’s just me? Well never mind.)
- Listen to whatever you want. That Cinderella CD has been playing nonstop in your car for months. This is the time to boot Gus Gus to the curb. Cue up all those podcasts you never have time to listen to, turn up the radio to a decibel level that’s definitely not safe for tiny ears, or break out your college mix CDs. You will love every auditory minute.
- Have another drink. Or three. After all, while you’re away you’re not responsible for making sure no one dies! Too tired to go out? I’m pretty sure the minibar was invented for exhausted mothers on business trips, so go at it.
- Consider your to-do list. Jot down all the things you could be doing—filing expenses, writing thank you cards from Christmas—then crumple up the list and watch reruns of Property Brothers.
- Rush home. When the trip is done, get home as fast as the laws of physics will allow. It’s nice to get away, but your reunion with the tiny people who make your life full is sweeter than any first-class upgrade.