The truth of motherhood: All the feelings of your baby growing up

The truth of motherhood: All the feelings of your baby growing up

The other day I was driving home when I saw the google maps car zipping along in front of me. I cracked up, which made my girls ask, “What are you laughing at, Mama?” Well, the funny way time passes was what made me laugh—but that would have made little sense to my kids, who just turned 3 and 5.

I told them a story instead. Read more

Tongue tie and breastfeeding: the undiagnosed reason BFing hurts

Tongue tie and breastfeeding: the undiagnosed reason BFing hurts

Moms, I’m pretty sure you’ll agree that your whole world changes when you deliver your baby and hold her in your arms for the first time. Your heart cracks open and comes together again in an entirely new way to make space for all the love you feel for the newest member of your family. In addition to the tsunami of feelings, though, can come the feeling of drowning in a wholly different way. When you first have your baby, you might wonder why breastfeeding is so hard, so painful, so frustrating. I learned this the hard way, and it took much too long for me to discover the reason why: tongue tie and breastfeeding is a combination that can turn out in truly horrible ways. Here’s the good news, though: You can fix your tongue tie and breastfeeding problems.

Tongue tie and breastfeeding: A fixable problem

Breastfeeding is hard for many women and babies, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. The first weeks of my older daughter Peeper’s life were filled with tears (from both Baby and Mom), slow or no weight gain, bleeding nipples and emotional turmoil. I searched for answers anywhere and everywhere, but the reason breastfeeding was so hard was closer: in my baby’s mouth.

Once I discovered the link between tongue tie and breastfeeding pain, my baby and I set off on the path to a happy, healthy breastfeeding relationship. I ended up breastfeeding Peeper for 14 months and Kiwi for 24 months—all because we corrected their tongue tie. Getting her tongue tie diagnosed also helped bring back my milk supply from almost nothing to being able to pump 5 ounces at a time.

Tongue tie and breastfeeding pain are often connected, but there's hope: My babies and I are proof. Ten Thousand Hour Mama

If you’re having trouble breastfeeding, I hope this post helps. If your baby has tongue tie, know that you’re not alone—and that fixing it may save your goals of breastfeeding.

The undiagnosed breastfeeding issue

When I gave birth to my first child, I knew I wanted to breastfeed. Yes, breastfeeding is good for both Baby and  Mama, but my breastfeeding goals were more instinctual and emotional. Something just felt right when Peeper scooched up, found my breast, and started nursing.

But breastfeeding also felt awful. It hurt. I thought pain while breastfeeding was normal; I figured the pain would go away. It didn’t, and after just 24 hours nursing my baby, my nipples were raw and sore.

Lactation consultants checked in on me, adjusted Peeper’s latch and referred me to breastfeeding advisers. I visited lactation experts three times a week, trying to fix my baby’s latch and get me some relief.

Tongue tie and breastfeeding problems often go hand-in-hand—and often go undiagnosed. Here's everything you need to know about tongue tie in babies. Ten Thousand Hour Mama

I had been nursing Peeper on bleeding nipples for a month before a lactation consultant asked me, “Has your baby been evaluated for tongue tie?”

My baby and I had seen at least a half-dozen lactation consultants and three pediatricians, and no one—not a single person—had suggested tongue tie affects breastfeeding. I had never even heard of tongue tie, so I didn’t know to ask about it.  But after I brought my baby to a pediatric ear, nose and throat doctor (ENT), he immediately diagnosed tongue tie.

A simple solution to save your breastfeeding relationship

Peeper’s tongue tie diagnosis didn’t come until she was 2 months old—quite late, considering she and I had struggled to breastfeed that entire time. Also during her first months, she ended up going hungry because my breast milk supply dropped from the lack of proper stimulation (from an incorrect latch due to the tongue tie) and pain.

Yet a few seconds and a pair of scissors corrected the tongue tie.

I was horrified that a doctor wanted to cut any part of my baby, but if one simple procedure would save our breastfeeding relationship, I was willing to try.

We didn’t see improvements in breastfeeding immediately. After all, Peeper had spent two months with restricted tongue movement from the tongue tie, so she had to unlearn months of muscle memory. What’s more, I had endured substantial nipple damage which took weeks to heal.

But eventually, Peeper and I relearned how to breastfeed. My breast milk supply returned, and Peeper started to nurse with a proper latch. She gained weight, and we resumed the beautiful breastfeeding relationship I’d dreamed of.

Does my baby have tongue tie?

While Peeper and I didn’t get help with her tongue tie until she was two months old, I knew what signs to look for with Kiwi, my second child.

Tongue tie and breastfeeding pain are often connected, but there's hope: My babies and I are proof. Ten Thousand Hour Mama

Kiwi showed many of the same signs of tongue tie that her big sister did.

The signs and symptoms of tongue tie in infants

  • A shortened frenulum, or vertical strip of tissue that connects the bottom of the tongue to the mouth. These tend to be thicker and they extend farther toward the tip of the tongue in many tongue-tied babies, limiting their ability to open wide and move their tongue. A shortened frenulum can be thought of as a short leash—it won’t let the tongue go as far as a typical tongue can move.
  • Pain while breastfeeding. Discomfort and even some pain is normal in the first days of breastfeeding as your body gets used to its new job, but extended and severe pain is not normal. Research shows that tongue tie accounts for many painful breastfeeding problems, so it’s important to consider tongue tie as one possible cause of breastfeeding pain.
  • Nipple damage. Tongue tie prevents a baby from opening his mouth wide enough to secure a good latch while breastfeeding. Tongue tied infants, then, have a shallower latch, and their sucking action may rub on your nipple, causing tissue damage.
    For me, I saw the worst nipple damage on the underside of my nipple, where my babies’ tongue would rub against while nursing.
  • Dribbling milk. A poor latch from tongue tie may cause a gap in between your breast and your baby’s mouth. I learned that milk dribbling out of your baby’s mouth is another sign of tongue tie.
  • Poor weight gain and low milk supply. The poor latch from tongue tie can make it hard for your baby to get enough breast milk. The pain from an improper latch, and the disrupted supply-and-demand feedback loop successful breastfeeding requires, can mean you don’t establish a good breast milk supply or that your supply drops.

What is tongue tie? What you need to know

Very few people—including pediatricians, even—have the most up-to-date information about tongue tie.

  1. Tongue tie can be anterior (marked by a frenulum that extends farther-than-average on the underside of the tongue) or posterior (a less obvious manifestation of the condition that still restricts tongue and mouth movement). Posterior tongue tie is less often diagnosed and less often corrected, despite research that shows correcting posterior tongue tie also improves breastfeeding.
  2. Tongue tie corrections involve a scissors or laser cutting the tissue on the underside of the tongue that restricts movement and flexibility. This is an outpatient procedure (meaning you won’t have to stay overnight). Doctors first numb the area and then cut the tissue, and babies heal quickly. It’s not fun for anyone, but it is safe. In a study of 3,000 infant tongue tie cases, not a single tongue tie revision went awry or caused side effects.
  3. Many tongue tie experts recommend “exercises” for parents to do post-procedure so the separated tissue does not heal back together. From my experience, these are emotionally hard—babies do not like many of the exercises—but crucial to preventing re-attachment (and a second round of the procedure).
  4. Experts don’t entirely know what causes tongue tie, but research suggests the condition is at least partly hereditary.

Fixing tongue tie ASAP

Although Peeper’s tongue tie was corrected late, Kiwi’s was corrected when she was eight days old. In many parts of the world, though, that would be considered late.

The bottom line for tongue tie correction: The sooner you correct an infant’s tongue tie, the better. An Australian study in the journal Breastfeeding Review showed that the later a baby’s tongue tie was released, the more likely a mother was to wean the baby early. In fact, the research showed, the sooner tongue tie is diagnosed and revised, the more mothers were satisfied with their breastfeeding relationship.

If you suspect tongue tie and breastfeeding pain are linked in your BFing problems, find an expert near you. Your family pediatrician, and even the average lactation consultant, might not be educated in the different presentations of tongue tie and how tongue tie affects breastfeeding. (For example, our pediatrician—whom I love and trust—saw no issue with either of my kids’ tongue anatomy, whereas experts flagged both children.)

Will correcting tongue tie help your baby and breastfeeding?

Only a medical specialist can tell you for sure if correcting a tongue tie will help your baby and fix breastfeeding problems; I’m definitely not an expert. But I have seen a monumental difference in my babies and in my breastfeeding issues after correcting tongue tie.

Tongue tie and breastfeeding pain are often connected, but there's hope: My babies and I are proof. Ten Thousand Hour Mama

Don’t take my word from it, though. A 2016 study of more than 200 babies found that infants who underwent tongue tie corrections saw breastfeeding improvements a week after the procedure—and that improvements continued for at least the first month. This trend held true for babies with posterior tongue tie (which is less often diagnosed, and which is what Kiwi had). What’s more, babies whose tongue ties were released were able to drink 155% more milk compared to before the procedure. (Side note: This article was authored by Dr. Bobak Ghaheri, one of the world’s leading experts on tongue tie and breastfeeding medicine, who also corrected Kiwi’s tongue tie. He has phenomenal tongue tie and breastfeeding resources on his web site.)

In addition, a different randomized, controlled study found that correcting a baby’s tongue tie was more effective in improving breastfeeding than intensive work with a qualified lactation consultant. In this study, 95% of the babies whose tongue ties were corrected were better able to breastfeed.

There are people out there who dismiss tongue tie as a fad, who will try to convince you tongue tie revision is an unnecessary and cruel procedure, and who will swear that your baby doesn’t have tongue tie despite showing all the signs and symptoms of tongue tie. But trust your gut and seek expert opinions if you think tongue tie and breastfeeding pain are linked for you. I’m so glad I did. After all, getting my babies’ tongue tie corrected enabled me to meet my goal of continuing to breastfeed. Fixing their tongue tie saved our breastfeeding relationship.

Again, I want to re-emphasize that I am not a medical professional. This post is based on peer-reviewed journal articles and studies, personal experience and medical advice I have received. This post is not meant to diagnose or treat anyone or any medical issue; rather, this post is meant to help struggling families get the information they need and advocate for themselves. 


If you’re looking to troubleshoot more breastfeeding problems, click these links because they have helped tens of thousands of other blog visitors. Here are my most popular breastfeeding posts:

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Moms’ weekend in Hood River, Oregon: Wine, beer, hiking + laughter

Moms’ weekend in Hood River, Oregon: Wine, beer, hiking + laughter

One weekend. Eight moms. Two hikes. Plenty of wine and good food. An absurd amount of snacks. Our Moms’ Weekend trip to Hood River added up to a fun, restorative trip we won’t soon forget.

The eight of us have been friends since we were in moms’ group together, when our kids were babies. In some cases, we’ve known each other since our littles were just weeks old. Now that our kids are toddlers, many of us get together every week for homeschool preschool.

We keep in close touch—but even though we hang out often, we seldom get the chance to truly connect. After all, it’s hard to have a sustained conversation when kids are running sprints in the house, asking for more goldfish crackers and getting into fistfights over Paw Patrol toys.

We needed a Moms’ Weekend.

We planned our Moms’ Weekend in Hood River for months, putting it on the calendar so everyone could plan around it. We chose a house in Hood River, decided who would cook which meal and scoped out fun things to do.

When you have eight moms planning a trip, it’s going to be organized—and awesome.

Once we set out, leaving our families behind (except for one mom who brought her second baby—squee!), we also shed responsibilities. We didn’t have schedules or anywhere to be. We had a wide-open Moms’ Weekend in Hood River with some of our closest friends. It was primed to be epic.

Moms' Weekend in Hood River Oregon: wineries, breweries, hiking and more! Ten Thousand Hour Mama Read more

The all-time best toddler thank you

The all-time best toddler thank you

Toddler thank yous are honest—and heart-melting. Here's the best one I ever heard. Ten Thousand Hour Mama
Image by Becca Jean Photography

The other morning Kiwi got up before the rest of the family. Like many mornings, we cuddled on a chair and woke up together. I pulled a quilt over us, one I’d sewed when I was pregnant with Peeper.

“I made this quilt when I was pregnant with your sister,” I told Kiwi.

“I come there?” Kiwi asked.

I wasn’t sure what she meant. “When you pregnant?” she added.

I clarified that I was pregnant with her after Peeper was already born. (Details like these often escape toddlers.)

“You grew inside me,” I explained. I pinched two fingers together until they were almost touching. “You were this little, and then you grew bigger and bigger and bigger inside my belly until you were born!”

Kiwi paused, taking this in. Then she said, “Thanks, mommy.”

*heart melt*

You’re welcome, my beautiful daughter. Even without that perfect toddler thank you, I’d do it a million times over if it meant I’d get you in my life.

Growing kids, heartwarming moments and the best toddler thank you I ever got. Ten Thousand Hour Mama
Image by Becca Jean Photography

How to pump at the airport: Breastfeeding and travel

Breastfeeding can be many things—beautiful, painful, sweet, frustrating—and if you are breastfeeding while you travel, it can also be inconvenient. Add in having to pump at the airport and you have a whole new set of challenges to overcome.

There are many reasons you might need to pump at the airport: Maybe you’re going to travel without kids, or you exclusively pump, or you pump in addition to breastfeeding. Point is, pumping at the airport is sometimes necessary—but it doesn’t have to be terribly hard.

Although I weaned my youngest this summer, I still have a lot of thoughts about breastfeeding and pumping milk. I also have a lot of experience, since I breastfed my two kids for a total of more than three years and had to pump in all sorts of situations, some of which were really awkward.

Pumping wasn’t my favorite task even in the best of situations (thank you, Husband, for bringing me ice cream while I pumped at home!). But figuring out the logistics of how to pump at the airport, carrying milk in my carry-on and managing to not miss my connections: That sounded like a plot line from one of those terribly uncomfortable Judd Apatow movies I can’t watch because they make me break out into hives.

But maybe, just maybe, pumping in the airport doesn’t have to be such a nightmare. In the hopes of keeping your worries from reaching 30,000 feet, here’s my hard-won wisdom on how to pump at the airport.

How to pump at the airport: breastfeeding and travel. Ten Thousand Hour Mama Read more

A mom flashback: Growing from the size of an appleseed

This weekend I had a mom flashback. You know the kind—definitely not triggered by any wild drug but inspired by some everyday reminder of how little your kids used to be and how big they are now.

I was standing at the kitchen counter peeling apples. The girls, my mom and I had picked like 30 pounds of apples at Detering Orchard outside of Eugene over the weekend. I knew I needed to do something with the giant box of apples on the counter, so I started to make applesauce.

And it was peeling those Early Macintosh beauties that gave me the mom flashback.

Mom flashback: Marveling at how my babies grew from the size of an appleseed into giant, beautiful, rowdy kids. Ten Thousand Hour Mama Read more

What I wish I had known about motherhood: Real mom wisdom

What I wish I had known about motherhood: Real mom wisdom

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the nearly five years I’ve been a mother, it’s this: Fellow mothers are the best source of no-BS, tell-it-to-you-straight mom wisdom you’ll ever hope to encounter. The trouble is we don’t always ask the right questions (or even know what they are), and you probably don’t have other sources telling you the straight-up truth about TMIs like post-birth constipation and just how world-rocking having a baby is. Nearly everyone has at least one “what I wish I had known” detail—so I’m sharing those tidbits of been there, done that know-how from a whole tribe of mom bloggers.

Below, you’ll read about everything: the good (the overwhelming love of your bubs!), the bad (mastitis—need I say more?) and the ugly (postpartum depression and anxiety are real—and all too common). So before you have a “what I wish I had known” about motherhood moment, read on. I can pretty much guarantee you’ll learn something from this mom wisdom—I know I did!

What I wish I had known about motherhood, from breastfeeding to postpartum depression: Mom wisdom from 20 mommy bloggers. Ten Thousand Hour Mama Read more

Mama truth photography: Beauty in the everyday crazy

Mama truth photography: Beauty in the everyday crazy

The morning Portland family photographer Ashley of Weeno Photography was scheduled to come to our house for a Mama Truth Session, I nearly called it off. Eric had been out of town for days. It took me two hours to get the girls to sleep the night before. And then they woke up at 5. But I didn’t cancel. Instead, I thought to myself, “Ashley is about to get more truth than she bargained for.”

Lately, the girls have been challenging. They’re chronically tired and we have been struggling to ensure they get more rest. They fight over ridiculous things (“I want the yellow bowl.” “No mine lellow!”). Kiwi cries and throws epic tantrums that we can do nothing to soothe.

So I’m not entirely sure why I thought I wanted a Mama Truth Session, where photographer Ashley LaMattino-Perlberg comes to your house to hang out for a few hours and captures whatever happens, from making a snack to soothing a booboo.

I think it was our initial contact. “The beauty in the everyday is always there,” she said. “And yet it’s so hard to see it ourselves. That’s why these sessions are so important!” Her words resonated deep within me. And it turns out she is so right.

A Mama Truth family photography session from a Portland photographer showed me the beauty in the everyday crazy of motherhood. Ten Thousand Hour MamaA Mama Truth family photography session from a Portland photographer showed me the beauty in the everyday crazy of motherhood. Ten Thousand Hour MamaWhy mamas deserve candid photos of themselves—and not only staged family photography—to show the everyday beauty of motherhood. Ten Thousand Hour Mama

I’m so grateful we did a Mama Truth photography session, which Ashley did for free for my family. The photos are beautiful, yes. Even more, though, the photographs showed me the beauty of my everyday life with my kids. And get this: Below, you can enter a giveaway for a chance to win half-off a Mama Truth Session with Weeno Photography. And anyone who mentions this blog post by the end of October will get $100 off a Mama Truth family photography session. Read on to find out more and enter!

We received a free family photography session in exchange for a blog post. As always, all opinions are my own. Read more

Clothes for moms who do all the things

Clothes for moms who do all the things

Nearly every mother I know has a hustle. Or three. Or more. There’s something about motherhood these days that practically none of us is “just” a stay-at-home-mom or career mom or a mom period. We’re also entrepreneurs, bloggers, creatives, homeschoolers and so much more—not to mention being a partner, friend, sister, daughter and a whole list of other awesome roles. Enter: clothes for moms that do all the things.

It may sound silly, but my daily style impacts my ability to be so many things at once. (Anyone else think of Hermione and Ron’s interaction in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix? Ron said, “One person can’t feel all that at once, they’d explode.” Hermione replies, “Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn’t mean we all have.” AMEN HERMIONE!) When I need to be ready to get the girls ready, jump on a conference call, bust out a blog post, plan the week’s meals and have the mental energy left to have a conversation with my husband that goes beyond Daredevil plot points, I need an outfit that works for me.

So when I partnered with Athleta to write a blog post about their new fall collections, I couldn’t stop thinking about how Athleta’s lines are just that: clothes for moms who do all the things.

The best clothes for moms are comfortable—and beautiful—because working moms and SAHMs need to feel gorgeous. Ten Thousand Hour MamaThe best clothes for moms are comfortable, practical, beautiful - and washable! Ten Thousand Hour MamaClothes for moms should be simultaneously gorgeous and practical, professional and comfortable. This Athleta dress is my new favorite outfit to do all the things. Ten Thousand Hour Mama

I received an Athleta gift certificate in exchange for writing this post. As always, all opinions and content on this blog are entirely my own.  Read more

9 things I wish I knew about weaning

Just a few weeks ago, I weaned Kiwi. Although I had a goal to wean her by her second birthday, I thought it’d never happen: She asked for milk all day, every day. Yet bit by bit, we decreased the amount she breastfed. Finally, there came a day when she didn’t nurse at all. And then there was another no-milk day. And just like that, weaning was complete.

Pretty much. (More on that below!)

It’s no secret around here that I’ve both struggled with breastfeeding and loved it. I nursed Peeper until she was 15 months old, and Kiwi until she was almost 2. But even though we’d semi-accidentally become an extended breastfeeding family, I was ready to wean.

Yes, I was ready to wean, but I wish someone had clued me in to some details about weaning I’d never heard—or read—about.

9 things I wish I'd known about weaning, 'cause stopping breastfeeding is a big deal. Ten Thousand Hour Mama Read more